Perhaps I should write more. I just read some studies sometime ago that claims people who keep a journal are able to focus on their tasks at hand, appreciate people more and generally keep a more upbeat life pace. For a while I write fairly often, but it is an intermittent effort, evanescent in its strength to keep on going.
Perhaps I should stop comparing. My life so far has been not bad - waking up at hours that seem indecently vulgar for working people, going to classes and working on my project down in the basement lab. Although my project is still not officially funded, it is an exciting project especially when we are collaborating with a computational fluids professor to simulate exactly my channel. Sure, the occasional cleaning and working late drags me down, but in overall I have decent control over my work, balancing my research efforts with keeping up with classes which are actually educational and enlightening in the numerous great works great people have done in the unpredictably beautiful world of fluid dynamics.
Although, my state of mind so far has been one of too much stress - one alternating between 'I am not doing enough work' and 'I don't want to do work'. Partly because everyone else seems to do it - weekends in the lab, late nights everyday and whatnot. I try to stick to a schedule that includes no weekend work (sadly, occupied by homework instead) and also no staying later than 7pm. Granted, I don't actually go in right in the morning, but this job is officially 20 hours per week and although it is generally understood that people routinely overshoot them, it definitely is not a 40 hours per week affair instead. In this case, peer pressure is the one that kills, and admittedly my love of comparisons are not doing me much good in this case. Therefore, perhaps I should stop comparing.
Perhaps I should just let the future be. Many days I am worrying about what I'll be able to do with my tentative degree, and with it comes the many horror stories that unfortunately have very few success stories that comes with them. However, looking back I wouldn't have charted this course for me at all if I think about myself from five years back looking into the future. Like, literally - 2011 me still in the tropical heat bath thinking about space and shit. Let's just say life was a lot more ideal back then, without me realizing the real barriers of class division via citizenship. Same thing applies here - who knows what I'll be doing in five years? Better do what I can now, and enjoy life in the present.
Fortunately, enjoying life is one thing that I am doing better lately - cycling in the warm weather, fantasizing about the ultimate bike trip to Duluth and when would I be able to do just that; or hitting the orchestra and the operas which one we've been to recently - Lady in the Dark by the students in the music school - turned out so good (At least to me!) that I basically was one of the first few to give a standing ovation. It was also my first opera in English - Carmen and Figaro were my other two exposures to opera. Taking pictures of pretty things and pretty people, cooking various soups for the cold nights and salads for the warm ones, watching Nichijou reruns with Luci while eating root beer floats... fuck, I even made my own miso soup from the paste - wasn't too hard although turned out a little salty. Anyways, its the little things that count, and makes the memories that we savor throughout the years.
Perhaps instead of wanting more from the future and seeing red over the past, I should just take solace in the present. As I now lie almost falling asleep on this couch we carried two blocks and up a flight of stairs in the heat of the late summer, a quiet apartment in the midnight hours where our friendly neighbors sometimes treats us to a serenade of melodious gangsta rap, as I type on my now hitting six years old computer that works beautifully with a new battery just replaced, in a city that is definitely one of my favorites and also with people that I like to be with. There are many things, which I decided and which I was given, that landed me in this exact couch on this exact moment in this exact year. Savoring the present, and thinking joyful thoughts about the summer about to come, the magical summer where everything glimmers under the brilliant sun and caressed by the gentle zephyr; summer of comfy shorts, fast rides, cool dips in the lakes; scenic hikes, shaved ice, lying down under starry skies.
As put beautifully by Nichijou, "Our everyday lives may, in fact, be a series of miracles. They just may be..."