～本との自分を捜している～ ~pursuing my true self~
I’ve decided – It’s the month of reflection, the month where I pause myself from the hocus-pocus of life and mind, the blanketing chaos of the heart, the distortion of my identity – the month of pursuing my true self.
For the past 3 defining months in MCKL, I’ve fell in and out of love twice, experienced a different side of society – the brighter side, the Yuusari equivalent in Letter Bee. I, coming from Kajang as Lag Seeing comes from Cambel Litus.
Why do I feel so out of place? Is it because of the nature of the community, or my refusal to commit to some activities that are fun for them but I have no interest in? Or is it just the place, which doesn’t have a person whose waves resonate with mine?
I was a damn cheapskate. They love to splurge on clothes while I can go on for 3 hours dilly-dallying whether to buy a RM30 book or not. I was a damn JPop, anime, modern –impressionist enthusiast, and luckily this hasn’t changed yet. But the most serious thing is none other than the damn Mark fuckerburg’s facebook, where i can troll for hours and hours, joining absolute mindless chatter where my time can be dedicated elsewhere more productive. I missed my old self.
Physics is on Waves recently.
Can’t imagine how well I resonate with the Kajang gang two years back… So much that I didn’t realise that we were all the same back then. Not to mention old fellow Kanon Ctz… yeah, feeling like giving him a long call some of these days, the only friend who doesn’t complain when I put my arms on his shoulder. A true buddy of 5 years, oscillating at exactly the same wavelength, how precious can that be? Joe Hahn, Josh, certain people in the FM crew… Company where I can act as my true self, not feeling out of place, trying to blend in while going against my soul.
These few days I spent close to RM100 on books already ^^ In the midst of papyrus, ink and knowledge, I found a part of myself, a part that I’ve haven’t visited for a long time… The long term distortion of my soul causes my six desires and seven feelings to go out of phase, repel and disperse, leaving the hollow soul in my body. Some parts of myself, I’ve no idea where it went to…
If I don’t love and understand myself, how am I going to be another’s happiness?
EDIT : I've deactivated my fuckbook and am not planning to retun anytime soon. To contact me I'm on msn, or just call my hp but dont expect to get a quick reply. bye.